Saturday, May 29, 2010

Barely Holden On

Homesickness. It manifests itself in dissatisfaction with my Starbucks order. My latte isn’t hot enough to burn my tongue – a sure thing in the USA. I don’t even like burning my tongue; it’s a lousy feeling. Yet here I am, with a reasonably temperatured coffee beverage – homesick as hell. I’m not kidding.

Why do I even go to Starbucks? I worked for one week at Sbux Corporate in Seattle and I quit. People say the coffee is lousy too. What really knocks me out is how comforting the logo is. That green circle, with the mermaid who smiles at me as if to say, ‘its ok, you’re not alone, I’m here too.” That kills me.

See that’s the worst part about being homesick. Feeling alone. The thing is, I’m not usually alone when I feel alone. It’s when I’m at a dinner party but I can’t understand a single word. It’s when I’m walking down a crowded street knowing I’ll never see a familiar face. Its when I’m curled up in an overstuffed generic chair at Starbucks, contemplating taking back my drink and asking them to heat it up. I’m not kidding, I really just might!

I didn’t expect moving abroad to be easy, but until now, it had been. But now its winter, I’m underpaid and overworked, my health is suffering and all my friends are going back home. I can’t help but think about the things I’m missing – my little sister’s high school graduation, hot Boise summers, Seattle sunsets…my friends…my family …

I’m blue as hell if you really want to know. Why do I drink lattes anyway?

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